{"id":1610,"date":"2026-06-09T11:06:30","date_gmt":"2026-06-09T11:06:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/metrotransitreview.com\/?p=1610"},"modified":"2026-06-09T11:06:30","modified_gmt":"2026-06-09T11:06:30","slug":"how-do-we-make-the-tony-awards-great-again-maybe-start-with-the-host","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/metrotransitreview.com\/?p=1610","title":{"rendered":"How do we make the Tony Awards great again? Maybe start with the host"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Tonys emcees pretty vacant<\/strong><\/h2>\n

So now it\u2019s summertime and the TV is easy. And every out-of-work butcher, baker and unemployed bra-maker is an authority. Like particularly on the \u2014 ugh! \u2014 Tonys.<\/p>\n

Read more The deeper agenda behind Trump\u2019s Reflecting Pool glow-up<\/a><\/p>\n

One out-of-work lighting expert who never earned enough to cheat on income tax solved the problem of TV\u2019s ratings war. He said: \u201cCBS? Cancel all commercials. And feature open, like really open, discussions on sex.\u201d<\/p>\n

Explained is that this would panic the FCC. \u201cThen that\u2019s their <\/em>problem,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

Amateurs are the professional pests of the professionals. Our vocation is their avocation.<\/p>\n

People who can\u2019t decide to knock or go for gin without a Ouija board issue decisions on everything artistic. Geniuses at the bottom of everything except their unemployment line forward suggestions \u2014 to beings so elevated in the theatrical stratosphere that they wear oxygen masks to write the drivel the Tonys preshow burbles.<\/p>\n

Oy, is that terrible stuff terrible. Female emcees \u2014 in overdressed overtight gowns with hair pulled tighter than their cheeks \u2014 always ask, \u201cIsn\u2019t this the most exciting moment of your life?\u201d Stomachs, hairpieces and behinds are pulled tighter than Mrs. Biden\u2019s bullbleep. And the smile? Their open mouths could engulf the Grand Canyon.<\/p>\n

Questions of taste<\/strong><\/h2>\n

How about once, once, a real question. Like: What\u2019s your method to memorize? Ever blow a line onstage? What if an audience member\u2019s phone goes off and you lose your place?<\/p>\n

These lady emcees are rammed into gowns they don\u2019t own with jewelry they don\u2019t own with creativity they don\u2019t own. They think they\u2019re better \u2014 at least thinner \u2014 than their bosses. Will somebody, anybody, even a nobody, write some decent questions for them while they\u2019re busy smiling larger than for a root canal.<\/p>\n

Read more The best places in America for kids to grow up \u2014 and the biggest gains are coming in red states<\/a><\/p>\n

The boobs, tight. Behind, tight. Hips, tight. Hair, tight. Dress, tight. Smile, tight. So tight she\u2019d have to drink up her eye makeup, which is so thick she can barely lift her lids.<\/p>\n

Brow-raising look<\/strong><\/h2>\n

For their TV moment, some have redone noses, ears, boobs, stomach, cheeks. Refixed hairlines. Colored brows. It\u2019s penciled eyebrows, erased pimples, raised hairlines. Everything\u2019s lifted but good questions. Off camera they nervously study their suggested rehearsed asks.<\/p>\n

Some tightly dressed dream of being the next Marilyn Monroe \u2014 more famous than semi Prince Harry\u2019s temporary wife. When the Nembutal wears off and the corset rips off, she dreams of marrying an old geezer rather than the zeroes who take her bowling.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s corsets so their behinds are narrower than their outlook. Push in here, puff out there. And parts where they can\u2019t make it, they fake it.<\/p>\n

Not that they\u2019re not gorgeous. They are. Not that I\u2019m not jealous. I am.<\/p>\n

And thanks to NY1\u2019s Broadway guru Frank DiLella for expertise. If not for him, some of us would\u2019ve still been cheering for Ethel Barrymore.<\/p>\n

Booking it out<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Joe and Jill went up the hill<\/p>\n

To hustle the missus\u2019 book<\/p>\n

Joe and Jill schlepped down the hill<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n

Because nobody would take a look<\/p>\n

\u2014 Cindy Wadsworth Long\u00adfellow<\/em><\/p>\n

Hunter\u2019s offering a free copy to whoever buys one of his paintings.<\/p>\n

One of NYC\u2019s new ladies of the evening, any evening \u2014 even late nights will do \u2014 asked a passerby for money. \u201cNot now,\u201d said the gent, \u201cbut I\u2019ll give you something on the way back.\u201d Hooker: \u201cNo. That won\u2019t do. You\u2019d be surprised at how much money I\u2019ve lost giving credit that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Only in Zero Crapdammy\u2019s old neighborhood, kids, only in Zero Crapdammy\u2019s old neighborhood.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Read more Pima County Sheriff issues alert for kidnapping suspect 7 miles from Nancy Guthrie\u2019s home<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So now it\u2019s summertime and the TV is easy. And every out-of-work butcher, baker and unemployed bra-maker is an authority. Like particularly on the \u2014 ugh! \u2014 Tonys.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1609,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1610","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cindy-adams","category-opinion"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do we make the Tony Awards great again? 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